Steps for Disentagling From a Sleeping Baby

What could be more stressful than diffusing a live bomb?

Disentangling yourself from a sleeping baby.

Yes, more stressful. First, it's partly because the person disentangling is not just stressed by the situation, but also likely beyond sleep deprived and possibly very badly in need of using a bathroom and about to wet thyself if disentangling doesn't happen.

But, this child is sleeping... ON YOU. Even the smallest twitch of the toe might lead to IMMEDIATE waking and then meltdown of the infant. Screaming and crying will ensue. And it's not JUST a toe you need to twitch, you need to disentangle your WHOLE self. Most likely infant is clinging onto you or your clothing. At least with bomb diffusing you can twitch your toe...

So, step one, if infant is holding onto you or your clothing find a suitable replacement and ever soooooo slowly, slide it between the grasping hand. I find receiving blankets work well when BabyMuddy is grabbing my shirt. Step one can take anywhere from 0 seconds if he's not grabbing for dear life and up to five minutes to pry loose his death grip.

Step two, slowly rotate your whole self and baby until baby is in a position supported by something other than you. Most often baby is clinging my shirt (now hopefully the blanket instead) and resting his shoulder on my head. I rotate from a sitting position to lying on my side being ever so careful to not make any jarring motions or move baby from his position AT ALL. Baby is then also resting on the couch or bed or floor as well as still being against me. Length of step two all depends on baby. If he's sleeping well the rotation is less likely to wake him. Most often taking anywhere from 2-10 minutes.

Step three, remove thyself.
Step three can be the most difficult. Especially if you have entrapped yourself between the object baby is now sort of resting on and the baby. I support baby's butt with my left and his head and back with my right arm. So most often, my right arm now needs to slide out from under baby without waking him. He's a sidesleeper so I slowly move myself away and rotate him from his back to his side and hoping the stars align just right for my luck to not run out before my arm is fully and completely away.

Step four. Back away slowly.
Have you ever heard stories about backing away from an angry bear? Not make any sudden movements and all that? Well, backing away from a sleeping baby is 10 times harder. First, babies are equipped with mom sensors. They know when we've moved more than 6 inches away. If you can leave something with your sent, it might trick baby long enough for you to use the bathroom without him waking and screaming... if you're lucky.

So, step four can be hell. Back away too fast and you could end up back to before step one and bouncing baby back to sleep. Go slowly, if baby moves, HOLD STILL IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes you might have to return to touching baby very lightly and repeating the back away procedure.

Backing away can take the longest of all these steps. It could take another good 10 minutes if it's successful the first time.

Good Luck From,
Another Mom Who Just Wants To Pee Without the Baby Screaming.

Tabata

Tabata is only FOUR minutes. 4. 

Go all out for 20 seconds, rest for 10. 

Repeat 8 times. Total is only four minutes. 

And OMG is it four minutes of torture! And fun :). 

I downloaded a tabata timer for my phone. I do all sorts of stuff. I have a stepper and sometimes I'll do that during the "work" part. Or I'll do burpee's like I did today. Jumping jacks, mountain climbers, or jumping rope are all good things. Really though, you can do anything that gets your heart going for tabata drills. 

I also use tabata drills for speed training when I run. Keeps it a bit more interesting than just plain old running. 

It's still frozen tundra around here as my aunt called it when I volunteered to have her visit me :). Soon though, it will warm up. And then I can finally run outside again. 

And the kettlebell, yes, my favorite toy. I'm back to the weights again. Two days of kettlebell and back to the weights. 

So, what does my routine look like? 

I do about an hour four days a week.

40 minutes alternating weights/strength training and cardio. I alternate supersets of weights with a tabata drill. or I do intervals. First half 1 min of weights, 2 min cardio and second half 1 min cardio and 2 min weights with pulses and a lighter weight. The last 20 min is cardio of some sort. Most often I ride my bike. But I also have a heavy bag for boxing and I do that too. Or a pole for pole dancing. Or a workout video. 

Today I did weights and tabata and then a TaeBo video to top it off :). 

Spider in my... EAR???

No, there really isn't a spider in my ear. But it sure feels like it!

It's absolutely awful!!!

No matter how many times I tell myself that there is no spider in my ear, I just feel like there is.

This morning I was having this dream. I was an assassin. Another assassin was trying to hunt me down, think Bourne Identity here. I'm Bourne. I ditch my motorcycle and head through these rock formations and through the woods along a creek. I end up in this long wooden structure, like a covered bridge but there's stuff in it.

Assassin hunting me catches up to me. I get his scalpel away from him (his weapon of choice apparently) and we struggle. He knocks me out and injects something into a vein near my temple. I wake to a third assassin there. She has some weird looking wire thingey and is sucking some weird liquid up into it. I thought it was to kill the other assassin but he seems calm just standing there, apparently decided he wasn't going to kill me after all. Instead of killing him with this weird liquid, she blows it out at me and it lands on my neck.

It's nano's!!!

And they're slithering toward my ear and I wake up to the sensation of SOMETHING SLITHERING INTO MY EAR!!!

So all day I haven't been able to shake the feeling that there is something IN THERE!!!

My dreams overall are very visceral and vivid. Colors and sensations, including touch, is not unusual for me. So I'm sure there was really nothing crawling up my neck and into my ear, besides it would have to be like centipede size based on how large it felt and I'm sure I'd have felt it wiggling in there by now.

But still, totally ick, something is IN THERE! Even though I know there's not...

I've Realized I'm Bored Already

With lifting my dumbells.

I got sick, then had a work meeting so I haven't lifted my weights in a week. Yes a whole week, not really that long, but I don't feel like doing it tomorrow. Which means it's time to suddenly and urgently change what I was planning for the rest of this month or I just won't do it.

So, instead of a program of dumbbells that included squats, lunges, push ups, rows, tricep, shoulder presses, ect I'm quitting.

ENTER THE KETTLEBELL

Shameless plug for me starting the kettlebell tomorrow instead :).

I've read/bought a couple of his books. This is the better of them. Don't bother with Naked Warrior. Basically it's just... do pushups and pullups and yay, you're done. Power to the people isn't bad, but it's basically do clean and presses from the floor to all the way up.

And really the kettlebell book is swings and get-ups. But what I LOVE about the kettlebell book is that it shows pictures of how to do the swings, clean'n'press, and snatches. I used to get lots of "kettlebell kisses" until reading this book.

So...

YAY!!!!

Kettlebell tomorrow :).

Indoor Rock Wall Climbing

This is not last weekend, where I was too busy running from bed to bathroom to do much else. 

No, this was about a year ago. I used to do a lot of indoor rock wall climbing with TeenMuddy. We got pretty good at it. Now, we're all out of shape :(. And with BabyMuddy, we're probably not going to get to rock wall climbing again for a bit. It's really not a safe place for him to hang out. Falling people, falling ropes, falling and falling some more.

TeenMuddy and I would do some mild competition (okay, I'd compete and she'd look at me with the side-eye). TeenMuddy is NOT competitive at all. Not even a little. And me, I love to win. Always. 

I really miss rock wall climbing though. BabyMuddy needs to be 3 or 4 I think to be able to go. And we always used the auto belay system. We'd be there for hours. This particular wall is from Adventure Rock. We used to go once a month and as soon as little man is old enough, we're going back. I just hope TeenMuddy (who will then be a college student) will join us :). 

Along with being FUN, I also had amazing arms and shoulders while doing this. It's an awesome workout that you don't even realize you're getting because it's just plain fun. 

This year, I hope to be more tan than the pasty-ness of this photo. And I want more colorful Vibram Toeshoes to climb with when I get back to it :). 

Fun Weekend

Of puking everywhere.

Mudbaby was sick Wednesday night. Threw up on me three times!!! THREE!!! And then I slept on the couch with him in his rocker all night. He joined me on the couch around 8 am and the little turd actually stole the couch from me! Yes, that's right. A nearly 8 month old kept taking up so much space (starfishing as one blogmom calls it), that I had to remove myself from the couch and sleep on the floor next to it so that way at least if he fell off, he'd fall on me rather than the floor.

Then he woke up for good at 10 and puked on me again! AGAIN!!!

He was fine at grandma's Thursday while I worked. Just a bit lethargic.

Then Friday I'm in the middle of doing my job with a patient present and have to leave the room to go throw up :(. Very ick. I manage to go back in and complete what I have to and get the patient the hell out of here. It was very sudden. at 5pm I felt generally ok. At 545 I felt like death.

The rest of my night was spent in bed or in the bathroom or running between the two. I should have grabbed a bucket. I ignored my phone all day Saturday.

Sunday morning I turn my phone back on. My niece (that grandma watches on Thursday along with Mudbaby) was throwing up Friday. And Saturday so was her sister... and my mom. And Muddad, too, at our house was visiting the porcelain god. By Sunday my stepdad who was just discharged from the hospital a week and a half ago was also kneeling at the throne.

Mudbaby, if you were trying to share, you did good.

I managed to disinfect everything today since the hot flashes are also gone. House is clean and all sickbed bedding is clean and happy.

I missed some workouts because I could barely stand, but that's okay. I've got a good one for tomorrow. Time to get this lady back in mud running shape :).

Being a Drug Mule

I was just in the process of discussing with one of the doctors here at work jobs with perks.

It stemmed from a conversation of countries where they work fewer years annually than the US. So Germany and France are at the top. There was another one, but I forget.

Anyway, job perks. We work a lot here. Lots of hours annually with not much vacation time. So which kind of job has the most vacation time?

Personally, I think Drug Mules would have quite a bit of vacation time. You get to see exotic locations with pickup of the drugs. Stay for a few days and be on your way. And then of course you get to go somewhere else to drop them off and repeat. Think of all the places you could go! Wouldn't it be exciting? I'm sure lots of the places would be dangerous, but that would just add to the excitement for people who are looking for that.

And for people looking for an exciting job that has tons of travel, why not be a drug mule? The excitement factor of handling shady people and not getting yourself offed has to be high up there for an adrenaline rush. Then of course there is the evading of law enforcement personnel. That would be exciting too. I could just see me doing this now. Going through an airport on a return trip from a pickup. I would really need to bring a small dog with me. And wherever I pick up from better have good sun because I want a tan. I'm pasty white and it sucks.

So there's me with my mini schnauzer in a purple puppy carrier with purple pumps on (me not the dog) and maybe a cute off white dress to highlight the recent tan. Who would pull me aside and be like, "Hey lady, you're a drug mule. Come with us." No one, the cute puppy would throw them off. That and the matching pumps. I'd be great at it.

But I have issues with swallowing pills. So then I think that means I'm out because no way could I swallow a baggie.

Guess I'll stick with what I do now :).

In all seriousness, I know it's a dangerous job and many people don't do it willingly. Too bad, because it would be an interesting career if you didn't have to fear for your life or your family.

Going to the Eye Doctor

So I recently went to the optometrist. And there is just something I don't understand.

Why, oh why, is it that the prescription I get is soooo strong that to actually wear glasses at that prescription I would be able to see an ant on a blade of grass a mile away? I really truly do not need to see that well.

For years, since I was in 3rd grade, I've worn glasses or contacts. When I was 17 I was prescribed a -2.5 for both eyes. It was ridiculously strong. I could see the lines on a leaf a mile away. I've always felt it was too strong and as I got older I was able to get a bit more vocal about saying, yeah, this is great n' all but I really don't want this.

Besides, for some reason when I read and have my glasses on, it hurts my eyes. Most people would say, then just take off the glasses. And I certainly can't just take out my contacts to read a few minutes and pop them back in. Well, you try to take off your glasses and pass college courses while taking notes and not being able to see the instructor or the projector screen. Yeah, not so simple. So I needed glasses I could wear that wouldn't cause me to have headaches and eye pain just reading.

I went back to a different doctor who wanted to prescribe me a -2.25 two years ago. I asked for just a little less than that and went home with a -2.0. So this year, I go in to a different doctor with no access to my prior records and he prescribes me a -2.0 and I ask for a little less than that so he gives me a -1.75 (which these glasses are the least painful I've worn in years while reading). I've heard stories that your eyes can get "a little better". Well, I really think this is true.

The doctor I went to this year wasn't happy about giving me a slightly less strong prescription so next year I'm going to experiment again and try yet another doctor who doesn't have my prior records.

I was one of those kids who read a really whole lot. My eyes have not gotten worse since puberty. During younger years the growth hormones can affect the muscles in the eye- I actually read that at a reputable source years ago and can't find it to link to now or I would. But anyway, I don't think my bad eyes are genetic. And I do think my eyes have improved over the past five years.

 I don't think I'll ever be able to not wear glasses unless I go for laser surgery which I'm not planning to ever do, but I do think they've gotten better. I had old glasses laying around and I feel they're so darn strong. Definitely much stronger than I need now and probably slightly stronger than what I needed in the past.

Unsuccessful Attempts to Remember Recent Conversation

So my daughter and I have interesting conversations in the mornings when I bring her to school. We talk about all sorts of stuff from the really deep and thoughtful to the extremely mundane.

Regardless of what we talk about there is usually at least one unsuccessful attempt to recall what it was we were just talking about.

Case in point...

I stopped at MudTeen's dad's house. We drove three blocks talking about something. After three blocks we were laughing and I turn to her and said, what were we just talking about? She, thinking I'm joking laughs at me. Then realizes I really have no idea what we just spent three block talking about and NEITHER DOES SHE!!! So, then we're hysterically laughing. And trying to remember what we were talking about.

We continue our conversation. We remember we were talking about Muddog early on during the first half of block one. And prior to getting to her dad's we were talking about this blog. But that three blocks? Completely lost. No idea and absolutely no recollection for either of us.

And this happens ALL THE TIME!

Seriously, neither of us suffer from short term memory disorders but yet we have a terrible time recalling conversation in the early morning drive to her school.

So it's been a couple weeks since this incident and we still don't know what we were talking about.

It's Above Freezing!!

So, what did I do?

I went for a walk.

But before I went for a walk, I had to get ready to go for a walk. Simple right? Hahahahaha.

Step One: Feed baby so baby doesn't scream the entire walk.

Step Two: Change baby so baby doesn't leak urine on me while we walk.

Step Three: Bundle baby. Yes, bundle the baby that will not sit still because he thinks it's great fun to try to get away when getting is snowsuit on.

Step Four: Attach baby carrier to self. That's easy enough. All these straps, just make sure you connect the straps to the right ends of one another or it's just a tangled mess.

... 10 min later after untangling self and getting straps right...

Step Five: Get wiggly baby into said carrier.

Step Six: Get the dogs leash and loop it around waist (that you can't see because there is a baby in a carrier attached to you).

Step Seven: Yell "WALK" loudly so dog comes running.

Step Eight: Get very hyper dog to sit long enough to attach his leash to his collar.

Step Nine: Get your own jacket on and gloves and hat.

Step Ten: Get out of the house before you realize how badly you need to pee and have to repeat steps 3-9 :).

So Muddoggy was very excited for our walk. It's the first time we've been out walking this year. We have trained him to run up and down the steps so he's not completely without exercise and the back yard is fenced so he runs free out there. But it's still icy outside and getting him to remain calm enough to not tip me and baby over was interesting. Thankfully I've always leashed him to my waist so I always have two hands free to handle him.

Mudbaby really didn't care about the walk. He was in his carrier attached to me and was having a really hard time trying to nap through the walk. He gave it a good try here and there. He'd put his head down on my chest, then Muddog would pull us off one direction or another and Mudbaby would look around like "why am I not crashed out on the floor like it's the drunken night after my 21st birthday?"

As soon as we got home in one piece I spent probably another 10 minutes disentangling myself from the dog and the baby. Muddog excitedly ran outside with extra energy from being so excited that we went for a walk. I put Mudbaby on the floor so I could use the bathroom that I realized I needed to use right after I had everything attached to myself. Once I get out of there, let the dog in, and head back in by baby... yep... crashed out on the floor like a drunken college kid who couldn't make it to the couch.

Now where's my nap?